“Everyone loves to buy. No one likes to be sold to.”

One of the first sales mentors taught me that… But he didn’t add any further details. It’s a nice one-liner but it doesn’t really do much for you if you don’t figure out how to actually use this in real life.

Now, 9 years later, I think I cracked the code. But I sure as hell wasn’t the first guy to solve this riddle. Every world class marketer and salesman has figured out how to do this.

And it all starts with

…The BAR test

Think back to the last time someone was trying to sell you something in the most annoying way. Hard closing, hard selling, you know the drill.

First memory that comes to mind for me is a guy standing at my front door droning the script at me.

“Hello sir, how are you doing today?”

This is a random man, in a suit, ringing my doorbell in the middle of the day… just to ask me how I’m doing. I’m already piss off because I was actually doing something productive. And now this guy interrupts me.

“Anyway, I’m happy that I caught you at a good time while you were at home because right now we’re canvassing the neighborhood for a good cause.

Do you know that polar bears are an endangered species and do you agree with me that it’s important we save and take care of our planet ?”

By the time he finished this long winded script I was done. I wanted nothing more than to close my door and finish what I was doing. Even if what I was doing is having a nap.

So I said: “No, I don’t care about ice bears OR the planet.”

Not my friendliest moment and let me clear something up.

I’m sure ice bears are great. From a distance. And I looked up an ice bear baby. Look

They look pretty cute. And I don’t actually hate ice bears.

You know what I DO hate?

Clunky, stilled, annoying, rambling, non-human, corporate sales

I would rather have a root canal without anesthesia instead of listening to one more scripted, stilled, non-human sales pitch.

And the worst thing is?

I’m probably guilty of doing this myself!

I don’t have anything against the ice bears. But If the dude would’ve said instead of horrible script, they would’ve said “Hey, I’m going around the neighborhood trying to raise money for ice bears”

I would’ve liked it that way better. Like actual human beings. Don’t bullshit me. “How are you today?” FUCK OFF.

You don’t care who I was, how I am. YOU KNOW, fuck you.